The only people who don’t know about coronavirus…

…are the assholes in the Department of Work and Pensions.

My wife receives PIP (Personal Independence Payment) – what used to be called DLA (Disability Living Allowance) – to help her cope with her needs.

When they came up with PIP, the government outsourced the transferral of people over from DLA to an external company called Atos, whose remit was pretty much, ‘Cancel everyone’s benefits, make it next to impossible to appeal, and see how much money we can save.’

Now, delegating the decision on who gets welfare to private industry is essentially the government saying, ‘We don’t give a shit about the needy and we can’t do our jobs so let someone else sort it out,’ and that’s how it worked in practice. Atos would reject almost all applications for PIP and then make the appeals process a logistical and administrative nightmare in the hope that a significant proportion of claimants would be incapable (i.e. too vulnerable) to appeal. You know, a really caring, morally upright philosophy that proved so popular they had to change their name to Independent Assessment Services to avoid the backlash.

That’s the reason why, when they moved my wife from DLA to PIP, they decided she was 100% capable of looking after herself on her own, despite her having supporting documents from Social Services, her doctor and her autism support service to say she was quite incapable of that. It then took six months of appeals for them to concede that, okay, they were wrong, she’s a nutbar.

The DWP are the people who ask someone with Downs Syndrome, cerebral palsy, a hole in his heart and severe scoliosis that confines him to a wheelchair to attend a fitness-for-work interview. They’re the people who ask terminal cancer patients when they think they might get better. They’re the people who at my interview asked me how to spell autism, and then told me I must be really good at Sudoku.

So it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that they haven’t noticed we’re in the middle of a global health crisis.

Today my wife received a letter from the geniuses at the DWP saying that, as she’s had PIP for a year, they need to see if anything’s changed. There isn’t an option to say, ‘Nope, still autistic.’ There is, instead, a 24-page form that must be filled-in in excruciating detail, with corroborating evidence from Social Services, the autism support service, and her GP, to be returned by the 17th April, or they will cut her off.

By my reckoning, that’s three weeks away. We’re now only three days into a three-week lockdown where we have to stay at home, everyone’s off work, doctors, social and care services are stretched to breaking point, and we can’t see our families for support filling in a complicated, misleading form. Are they freaking joking?!

I’d only just managed to calm her down about coronavirus when this little present landed on our doormat like a wet turd to stink out the house we can’t leave. I was never a fan of Jeremy Corbyn, but I can’t help thinking that this kind of shit would never happen under a Labour government.

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