Keeping your true feelings hidden is all well and good when you’re conscious. When you’re asleep, it’s another matter altogether.
I had a dream last night in which I was arguing with [redacted]. And midway through the argument, backed into a corner and unfairly maligned, I straightened my shoulders, drew a deep breath, and at the top of my lungs bellowed, ‘[REDACTED] ARE WANKERS!’
Not particularly articulate, I admit, but hey, it was my unconscious talking.
Trouble is, I didn’t only shout in my dream – I shouted in the real world, too. At 3.30 in the morning. In my loudest possible voice.
”[REDACTED] ARE WANKERS!’
It’s practically the definition of a ‘rude awakening’. But not only did I wake myself up, I unfortunately woke my wife too. It would’ve been impossible not to – I’m surprised the kids slept through it.
‘What did you just say about [redacted]?’
‘Seriously, what did you just say about [redacted]?’
‘I was having a dream, that’s all. Go back to sleep.’
She rubbed her face and then, waking fully, froze as it came to her. ‘Did you just say [redacted] are wankers?’
I shrugged. ‘They were being mean.’
‘In your dream.’
‘Sure. In my dream. No matter.’
‘Do you think [redacted] are wankers?’
‘Apparently I do.’
‘Well, I don’t like that.’
‘Go back to sleep, you’ll have forgotten this by the morning.’
But the way she’s been looking at me all morning, I don’t think she has forgotten it. Under coronavirus lockdown, when we’re trying to get on and be pleasant, it’s not really the time to have a conversation about my feelings for [redacted].
So I’m going to have a stern word with myself before I go to bed tonight, and hope I don’t come out with anything worse!