…unless you want your eyes scratched out, especially if you don’t have kids of your own (N.B. these have all been said to me in the last month or so).
- She’s quite chunky, isn’t she?
- I think she’s had enough milk.
- Maybe you should change the formula she’s on.
- Well I think the Health Visitor’s wrong.
- I don’t trust NHS guidelines at all.
- You know dummies are bad for them, don’t you?
- Is that how you put her top on?
- Let me show you how you’re meant to do it.
- This is the way she prefers it.
- You should cook all her meals from scratch.
- You were up twice in the night? Well that’s not so bad.
- If I had kids, I’d be fine with the nights.
- Lack of sleep doesn’t bother me.
- What’s his name? He is a boy, right? Oh. What’s her name?
- I used to have a dog called that.
- He was only playing.
- He didn’t bite her that hard.
- It was her own fault for getting too close to him.
- It’s taught her an important lesson.
- Let’s not make a fuss about it.
- Everyone else’s children are potty-trained by now.
- Don’t make it an issue.
- She really ought to be potty-trained by now.
- It must be nice to sit around at home all day.
- Isn’t it about time you got back out to work?
- Having kids is no excuse for an untidy house.
- Why don’t I take them off your hands for a couple of hours so you can do some housework?
- When I have kids, I’m going to set aside an hour every day to clean.
- Looks like somebody has some ironing to do.
- Nobody said it was going to be easy.
- Well, you chose to be a parent.
- And you’ll have to keep doing this for the rest of your life.
- We’ve all been there, you don’t have to go on about it.
- Parents these days have no idea how easy they have it.
- When I had my kids I had nobody to help me.
- All this modern ‘naughty step’ rubbish.
- Smacking never did anyone any harm.
- You’re making a rod for your own back.
- You shouldn’t cuddle her so much.
- Did you see that great programme on TV last night?
- You really need to read this book.
- You look more tired every time I see you.
- I don’t remember you having all that grey in your beard.
- Why have you put on so much weight?
- It doesn’t get any easier.
- If you think this is hard, wait until…
- Don’t worry, they’ll be starting school in four years.
- You should value this time of your life.
- It goes by so quickly.
- Remember to enjoy every moment!
I’ve heard them all! As far as the comparison games go, looking at a room full of adults, which one of us was potty trained first? Who had a dummy? Who slept through the night first? Who walked first?
None of these things matter in the long run…
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